And one that helps us manage our emotions in a healthy way. This is the work I did for myself. I got very honest with myself and asked God to help me through this process. And He did. I surrendered my guilt, frustrations, and my pride before God and decided that it was time I committed to doing the work I needed in order to change.
And make no mistake about it, this was WORK. God gave me the grace, but I had to walk through the hard stuff for several years while making all the mistakes until I made it to a place that feels like peace. I still get mad, irritated, and yell from time to time.
The difference for me is I know exactly how to calm my nerves in those anger-inducing moments. If I can do it… you can do it. Yelling less at our kids is simply a by-product of fixing the actual problem!
You are NOT alone! You are NOT a bad mom. And you do NOT need to spend your days in guilt and frustration. There is freedom for you. You can start your journey to a calmer way of life by grabbing your free copy of The Calm Mom Blueprint! It will teach you how to start training your brain and understanding your anger triggers.
How have you overcome anger? Share your tips in the comments below. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Sounds kind of backwards, but it honestly does work. Great post Sheila. Really interesting to read your advice away from the marriage field for a bit! Aw, thanks, Keelie! This was exactly what I needed today.
So often I fail to adequately allow for the time it takes to get myself and 3 children ages 5, 3 and 1 out the door. Thanks for sharing! Man this is great!
I can totally relate to having one on one time with my son. When we get that i feel like the day goes by so much smoother with less problems. If he feels neglected or not getting attention than he tends to act up more. Thank you for sharing! This is so good. I already try to plan buffer zones into when we have to leave, as that is my absolute biggest trigger.
I totally agree with this I found my self yelling at my kids and found these tips helped. This is great! And something I came to realize as my children entered their teens.
Thank you for putting it into words. I have been feeling convicted with how much I raise my voice to my children. I like your idea of spending intentional time with them. I can do 5 jumping jacks. I can close the car door and sit on the ground. This simple exercise allows you step out of your emotional brain and back into your logical brain.
This is an important step because if you say it inside your head, the emotional brain will continue to overpower your logical brain. This is also the perfect exercise to help a crying kid calm down. There she was in the elevator with her hands lovingly locked with her littles. Despite the chaos of the kids around her, she was calm and relaxed. I looked over to her, and in the midst of our combined 5 kids making the loudest and most rambunctious noises, I said…. Nervous to speak, I continued.
I understand. Stay here. Then she stepped off the elevator, grabbed the paper with my number on it — and with tears in her eyes — she mouthed two words: Thank you. This post comes with a free self-care habit tracker printable to help make yourself a priority in the everyday moments. Grab your free printable here. I've created a free email series just for you! If you are struggling with teaching your child to listen, this series will help transform your parenting.
Yes, really. I've seen my proven strategies work time and time again for parents. I know it can work for you too. Click here to sign up! I write about my crazy parenting adventures, discovering happiness in motherhood and navigating the ups and downs of military life. I spend my days re-heating coffee while chasing my kids around the house.
Hang around for a bit and join the fun! I saved this post a long time ago and just kept moving on. I try to use the asked and answered technique with her, and while it works sometimes, most of the time she just continues to push me until I explode at her. One of my favorite parenting books teaches the principle of only asking children to do something once and then walking away. If they do not do what they are asked, you wait until they ask you for something and then tell them that you will not be doing it for them because they did not do what you asked of them.
And then you calmly stick to your guns. It may not be the easiest parenting trick in the world, but it works—after a few times of this happening, they will know you mean business the first time you ask. Let them build your trust.
It starts with the 2 am feedings and continues until the kids leave the house. When I am running on 5 hours or less of sleep, the littlest things set me off and I feel completely out of control. I recently bought myself a Fitbit Charge 2 that tracks sleep incredibly well. I have an 8 hour sleep goal per night, and it has been enlightening to me that I basically never hit that goal.
My current sleep average for this week is 6 hours and 36 minutes. I have two choices—I can take a nap in the afternoon not usually feasible , or I can go to bed earlier. Still working on it. This may just be me, but I notice a direct correlation between what I am eating and how much control I have over my anger. I will often want to eat chocolate or candy when I am already feeling a little bit stressed, and so I do. As soon as I have eaten all that sugar, I yell at my children.
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